My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize