Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
