someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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