hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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