If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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