Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
