i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
