I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
