I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
