I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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