not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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