Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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