1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
