i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
