i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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