we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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