Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
