There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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