I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
