Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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