who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
