Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
