***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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