How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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