You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
