I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
