Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
