Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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