Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
