I think I just saw someone hide a body.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
