Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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