dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
