fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
