Just fell off a train. Bad.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
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