Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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