i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
