Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
