Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
