I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
