bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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