So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
