When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
