I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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