I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize