and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
