Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
