Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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