Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
