Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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