So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
