I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
