woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
