dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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