why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
