She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
