Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
