ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
