Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
