a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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