WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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