so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
