Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
