I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
