it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
